It is the Province of Knowledge to Speak
10/09/2009
"It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen”
Oliver Wendell
It’s a sad reality but in today’s busy world we are constantly juggling a multitude of issues, responsibilities and roles at any given time.
How many times do you find yourself reading the newspaper and watching the TV at the same time (and let’s not even discuss if you have looked at a text when driving!) At work this often plays out when people will continue to respond to emails while talking to you at their desks or even in a meeting. The pervasive nature of the blackberry and other such devices means we have become poorer at listening and that it has almost become socially acceptable to ‘half-listen’, while multi-tasking. Reflect on the last 48 hours and the people you have communicated with and ask yourself honestly:
- Do you really listen to what the other person was saying?
- Can you really recall the mood and emotion of what they were saying?
- Did you exclusively tune in to their message and respond to it?
It’s not as if listening is an easy task at the best of times anyway. Listening is a complex task that operates at multiple levels. There are general categories to help us understand our listening; they overlap and interchange depending on the situation. All of us listen at different levels of effectiveness throughout the day, as the circumstances and people around us change. For example, it is difficult for most people to listen effectively in the midst of a highly conflicted situation, when they are dealing with emotional people, when they are being criticised, when they are being corrected, or when they are feeling fearful, anxious, or angry. Others listen very effectively when they are working or coaching, only to tune out when they arrive home.
The Active Listener gives full attention to listening when another is talking and focuses on what is being said. S/he views communication from others as an opportunity to gather new and useful information, and so does not allow himself to be distracted, but is fully engaged and alert. S/he pays attention to the speaker’s total communication, including non-verbal, and he exercises direct eye contact. Their attention is evident in both posture and stance. The active listener knows that specific words mean different things to different people and does their best to understand the intended meaning of the speaker.
At this level, the listener places himself in the other’s position, attempting to see things from his/her point of view. S/he is aware of his personal biases and attitudes, and suspends personal thoughts and feelings to give attention solely to listening. S/he genuinely believes the speaker has something valuable to say, and attempts to listen astutely, from heart with respect, understanding and empathy.
The active listener becomes directly involved in the communication process and will often restate or paraphrase the message back for the speaker to hear. In doing so, s/he gives feedback to speaker concerning the clarity and accuracy of message; developing a deeper appreciation of what the other person is thinking and feeling. Thus, active listening encourages a true dialogue between the two parties in which both accuracy and mutual validation are achieved.
Impressive isn’t it but how often in the last month have you truly actively listened to someone? So the next time someone starts to talk to you or says have you got five minutes, turn away from your computer, put your blackberry in your pocket, stop thinking about the 52 actions on your to-do list and LISTEN – you may find you actually hear something of value.
If you would like to discuss this or any other coaching matters, please contact us through UK.Info@right.com
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